Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
