worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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