Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
