sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
