Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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