I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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