so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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