Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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