his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
