After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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