Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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