do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
