kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
dude. I can hear the air.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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