I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
