At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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