And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
