Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
