why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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