They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
