was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
