Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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