I think i peed on brittanys purse
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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