I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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