Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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