Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
