new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Who died my cat blue again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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