I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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