New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
