My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
