Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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