What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
