I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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