if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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