So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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