I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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