my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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