I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
