He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
