the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
