I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
