I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
