My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
