im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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