how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
