At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
