One girl and one boy is just not enough.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
