I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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