rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
