It's Friday. Sex?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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