ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
