Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
