I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
