I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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