he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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