I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
