Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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