She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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