y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
