Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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