So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
