is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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