thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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