wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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