the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
