The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
