I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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