Just fell off a train. Bad.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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