fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
