then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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