farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
