Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
